Worship Ms.Nicole

Catcalls are one things, but this guy went too far; read on…

I made a rare trip into a hardware store today to pick up some supplies for an upcoming project. Normally I would send a “chore boy” to do My shopping, but I was thinking up things on the fly and wanted to pick out some goodies Myself.

The hardware store has an in-house cat to keep away nasty critters (blech) and such. The kitty is very pretty and is quite large. He’s somewhat of a male Diva, lol, with his purple collar and sense of entitlement to be petted.

There I was slightly leaned over to give the frisky feline a nice scratch on the head, when I hear a gruff voice, spoken in just above a whisper (but obviously meant for My ears) “Here sweet pussy, pussy! Lemme get somma that.” And then the sounds of teeth and lips smacking together and a “Mmmmhhhhmm”.

Ugh! Disgusting jackass.

I slowly (but gracefully) turned to face this idiot. My first thought was that I was looking at Bozo the Clown. Bright pink bandanna, cowboy hat, curly-q mustache, baggy pants, and a bright red nose that told Me he was more than familiar with the Anheuser-Busch family. There was no way I could walk away from this chance; I couldn’t wait to lay into this fucker.

He got a big grin on his face, and in the most idiotic drawl I have ever had the displeasure of hearing, said, “Well, dang, I don’t know if you’re purttier from the front or the back! Looks like evy view is a good’un!” He gives accents a bad name, lol.

I saw the lady behind the counter cringe, and even the kitty ran off. I cocked My head to the side, gave him a slow, sweet smile, but let My eyes give him a hint of what My mouth was about to say. He blinked a few times, his eyelids kind of drooped and even his mustache curled down a bit, and then his back kind of slumped. He started walking backward as I walked toward him.

I heard a snicker from the counter and a *ahem* from somewhere else in the store. I was focused on My prey like a hawk; he knew he had made a huge mistake. Someone let out a bit of nervous laughter somewhere in the store.

I was slinking in his direction like a cat to an ugly mouse, claws drawn and ready. He was like a cartoon man walking the wrong way on a banana peel; his feet were moving but he wasn’t getting anywhere. I swear, it was absolutely priceless to watch him squirm away from little ol’ Me!

I said, “Save your idiotic come-ons for your blow up dolls, Barnum Bailey.” ( I swear his mouth then turned into a great big “O”, just like a blow-up doll *hehe*) “I bet the smell of soft plastic and balloon air gets your little cocklet as hard as a peanut, doesn’t it?” I moved in closer to him, My perfectly pedicured foot in My cute sandals sliding on top of his boot. I pressed down hard with the ball of My foot–he stumbled back, grunting.

“You know, you sure do have a pretty mouth, boy. [ty “Deliverance” LOL!) If you’re really interested in Me, we could go back to your mom’s basement, put you on your filthy mattress, and I could show you what women really want by using your ass as My own personal pussy. What do you say, cowboy?” “You want Me to show you My version of getting pussy?”

His mouth twisted into a grimace-smirk, “Yous kiddin’ me, aintcha?” He looked utterly confused and a little scared.

I just barely laughed and very slowly shook My head, lightly licking My lips. (I wouldn’t touch his nasty ass with someone else’s strap-on, but I wanted to watch him squirm)

He looked at Me like I had suddenly grown horns, thought for a second, *almost* made a remark, then hot-footed it out of the store, looking over his shoulder one last time as I said, “I don’t know if you’re uglier from the front or the back, but that saggy ass looks like it’s been used a time or two!”

The lady behind the counter was red as a beet when I checked out. The only words she said as I took My bag to leave were — “I bet he’ll think twice next time he wants to talk nasty to a Lady. He looks like he prolly does take it up the butt!”

Haha! The way she said it was soooo funny, I wanted to crack up right there. Somehow, I held My composure. *hehe*

Guys:

There’s nothing wrong with complimenting a beautiful woman, but when you do, be respectful. Vulgarity gets you nothing but hurt feelings, possibly physical pain, and a ton of embarrassment. Being nasty is just….nasty!

Of course, that jackass is probably at home right now, listening to mommy call him for dinner as he tries to finish jerking his teeny-weenie to the memory of My voice (and probably My ass, too; lol) and a copy of Brokeback Mountain. (a movie I happen to adore, by the way; I hope this doesn’t ruin it for Me, lol. )

Message Me on Niteflirt

A while back, one of My regulars wrote a letter to Me. It was titled “About Nicole”, and was written as if I had written it Myself.

While much of the “about Me” was just speculation on his part, there was a lot of “life truth” in what he wrote, and I was honestly surprised by the amount of insight in that letter. I thought there were some good messages in what he wrote, so I made the decision to print part of it here as a special message to My other readers and just to give him a few kudos.

It’s a good thing I am a very smart Lady with healthy skepticism! Before printing the letter, I made the very wise decision to Google his written tribute to Me. I *knew* there had to be something off; the letter was too damned good!

While I appreciate the sentiment and the effort it took for him to customize the letter for Me, and I appreciate the spontaneity of his effort to worship Me, I will forever tease and torture him (not to mention put him in perpetual denial) over the fact that almost the entire letter was copied from two other adult sites. Ugh! It was basically an “about Me” written by two other women, posted on their websites, and copied/pasted together by him in a twisted little attempt to please Me.

Well, that was a dumbass move! Because it’s not okay to copy, and it’s not okay to put Me in that situation.

I do not take things like this lightly. We women work too hard to have our work copied and spread about the Internet as if it belonged to someone else. Had I published that as an original piece without credit to the actual authors, there could have been serious trouble, even (lawd forbid!!!!) embarrassment for Me!! You want to see pissed??? Wheeewwww!! Really, there are no words!!

But back to My misguided little submissive: We all make mistakes, and I do believe his intentions were good.

Maybe he’s feeling a little humiliated while reading this. Good. You should!

And…

I will await your confession. You will be given the chance to redeem yourself, but only because My superior intellect allows Me to see the reasons why you did what you did. Maybe a little writing task or a nice tribute is what you need to make up for your indiscretion.

We’ll see. Sometimes surprises are the best!

I wanted to share a new product with My readers, a new vodka (new to Me anyway) named “Ivanabitch Vodka”.

I am not kidding; that’s really the name! See!

(The pickle is a Russian thing, I think.)

A guy friend (6′4”, blonde, green eyes, loaded :drool: ) came over, presented Me with a bottle (as well as a request to perform domestic chores for Me), and we sat outside enjoying the evening, just cutting up and chatting.

After a few drinks, he got a little too loud for Me, so I told him that he should leave but the vodka could stay. He pouted and begged, and I was gracious enough to let him sleep in My office (the one down at the barn, not My house). He was drinking, so it was the right thing to do. I do not do the drinking and driving thing, and I don’t let My friends do it in My presence.

So there I sat, enjoying the beautiful evening, just a few candles for ambient light and My dogs at My feet. The peace was wonderful, and surprisingly, the vodka was pretty good. It was extremely smooth, and even though I drank much more than I would normally drink, I never really felt intoxicated, only pleasantly buzzed. Very smooth, indeed. I was impressed.

While sipping, I started thinking about the name — Ivanabitch Vodka. A name with an attitude. Any product that has the chutzpah to use the word Bitch in its name has got to be good.

I guess there is a bit of buzz about it, but I’d never heard any of it. I did find out the names of a few of their drink recipes:

Dirty Bitch

Power Bitch

Twisted Bitch

I’m really liking this vodka even more now.